


enchanted (so close and still so far)

by loverjae



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:27:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25375402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loverjae/pseuds/loverjae
Summary: What Hokuto wanted was a fairy-tale, and Taiga wanted real life. So when Juri swept in with the promise of a real love, Taiga had to grow up, move on from Hokuto’s childish make-believe world.
Relationships: Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto, Kyomoto Taiga/Tanaka Juri
Comments: 12
Kudos: 15





	enchanted (so close and still so far)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I recommend you read this while listening to the song 'So Close' from the movie 'Enchanted'. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UtnXJy5b5I

Hokuto tugged on the tie around his collar, feeling suffocated in the formal wear. He knew it wasn’t so much the suit, but rather the atmosphere in the room. The mood was bright and everyone was happy, celebrating the start of a new life together, but he was the only one who wasn’t smiling. Because Taiga was married to someone else, taken away from him. He hadn’t even realised that he had lost Taiga, until it was too late. Gone just like that, like melted snow on the last days of winter, like the stars when daybreak had come. Except unlike snow and constellations, he couldn’t have Taiga anymore. Winter would roll around, the sun would set every day, but Taiga would never be his again. Because earlier that day, Taiga had married someone else, and officially became Tanaka Taiga. Hokuto hated that. There was no ring to it, and it burned his tongue like acid when he had tried saying it out loud. 

He was seated at a table with some strangers and some university friends too. Jesse was there, thank god. He could distract Hokuto from the searing sadness he felt, the aching sensation climbing up his wrists before making its way to his heart. It was time for the first dance of the night. Hokuto watched in silence as Taiga and Juri shared their first slow dance of the night, their first slow dance as husbands. The tugging on his heartstrings was getting unbearable. He watched on as they gazed into each other’s eyes, everyone else looking at them with pure admiration. The perfect image of two people in love, it seemed. Time seemed to pass by slower and the seconds felt like hours when Hokuto saw them embracing each other like that. He clenched at the champagne glass in his hands, before the dance finally ended and he got up, deciding he needed a refill.

On the way to the bar, he ran into Taiga’s dad. After he had realised it was Hokuto, he just looked at him sadly, eyes full of pity. He knew that they used to be close, of course. Hokuto had spent countless nights at the Kyomoto house. All he could offer was, “I’m sorry, Hokuto.” before reaching a hand out to pat the brunette on the shoulder. Hokuto cleared his throat before responding with a casual, “What for?”, before focusing on his glass that was getting refilled. His throat was starting to tighten, if he wasn’t careful he might let out a tear and he had promised himself that he wasn’t going to cry that night. Not until he got home, where no one would hear his sobs and gasps for breath except for him alone. After retrieving his glass, he slid away from the awkward situation before slumping back into his seat, trying his best to listen to Jesse, entertaining the table with some joke. 

Hokuto was too busy looking into his glass, swirling its contents around that he hadn’t realised that Taiga had come up to their table until he heard everyone cheer in celebration. Taiga looked beautiful, like he always did. But there was something about weddings and what he was wearing, Hokuto thought that the blond looked enchanting. The white tuxedo looked stunning on him, the colour setting him apart from his groom who was dressed in black. Speaking of the latter, he wasn’t there with Taiga, probably because they weren’t from the same university. Taiga said something about him coming to greet the table later. 

Hokuto didn’t even want to look at Taiga anymore, didn’t want to listen to anything he had to say but he felt a tap of fingers on his shoulder. “Do you wanna dance?” a voice asked softly from behind him. Hokuto inhaled sharply, the question taking him by surprise. He was still thinking whether it would be a good idea to do it, before he locked eyes with Jesse from across the table, who was staring at him, eyes narrowed as if to say  _ just go, you idiot _ . The brunette let out a small sigh, before getting to his feet, all the while still wondering if it was okay for him to do this. Knowing Taiga, the simple request wasn’t as innocent as it seemed. There was more to it, and Hokuto wanted to find out because he would let the older string him on however he liked. Because he was still madly in love with Taiga.

The two made their way to the middle of the ballroom, couples already waltzing across the marble floor. Piano notes and the sound of strings filled the air as a familiar song started wafting through the air. The more Hokuto looked around, the more he realised how beautiful the place was, elegant white decor very befitting of Taiga. An extravagant reception, the high ceilings of the hotel ballroom reminding Hokuto of a picturesque castle, straight out of a storybook. The only sad thing was, that it wasn’t his wedding with Taiga. Pushing the looming thoughts away to the corner of his mind, Hokuto wanted to focus on this very moment, on what was in front of him. The blond stepped closer to Hokuto, hands almost immediately going around the younger’s neck. Hokuto stopped him midway, instead lightly placing his left hand on Taiga’s back, and his right one interlocking with Taiga’s fingers. He saw disappointment, then sadness flash in Taiga’s eyes, but it was immediately covered with a small smile. They were silent for a moment, the movement between them rigid and stiff, before the older spoke up.

“You know, you can hold me tighter, right?” Taiga asked, the question came out sounding like a joke. Because now Hokuto was barely touching him, fingertips ghosting the small of Taiga’s back. He had an answer to that, but he kept his mouth shut for the sake of both their fragile hearts. Taiga was like a glass slipper, should Hokuto hold him too tightly, he would shatter in his grip. And he can’t break Taiga, for Taiga wasn’t his to hold anymore. He was someone else’s. But Hokuto could never say no to Taiga, so he firmly placed his hand on the older’s back and pulled him a tiny bit closer, held Taiga’s hand just a little bit tighter.

Whenever Hokuto held Taiga like this, felt him so near like this, it felt like the entire world just disappears. The music in the room playing on for only the two of them, like they were all that mattered in the world. When Hokuto first listened to it many years back, it sounded like a regular love song. But now, he realised how it spoke not of love but of heartache and unfulfilled dreams instead. It spoke of his and Taiga’s story.

Hokuto studied Taiga’s face carefully, remembering how long his eyelashes were. How the top lashes would protrude from the fold of his eyelids, and how the bottom ones grazed the skin above his cheeks. He looked at the older’s nose, the unique bone structure that Taiga always complained about, but Hokuto thought it made his side profile look stunning. Perfect face completed with deep chocolate eyes, always honest and never hiding what the older felt. Looking at Taiga now, Hokuto was once again reminded of how mesmerising he was. He wanted to tell him how beautiful he was, but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. But in this moment, looking at Taiga, Hokuto swore he was so close to feeling alive. He could almost reach it, a glimpse into his future where he could love Taiga till the end of time, but it was still so far. Just a romantic dream, nothing more. A dream that had ended months ago, when Juri had asked for Taiga’s hand, but tonight, Hokuto would finally have to bid that dream goodbye.

Hokuto wishes he had said it first. He was there every night Taiga came crying to him. He was the one to pull the older into a tight embrace, the one to draw small circles on his back, the one to run fingers through his soft locks and to lull him to calmness with whispers of sweet nothings. But he couldn’t say what mattered most, and Juri beat him to the chase. He knew Taiga was waiting for him, he saw it in how the older hesitated to say yes immediately to Juri’s proposal, but Hokuto feared rejection more than anything else in the world, to the point where he couldn’t even let himself say those three words. They always danced on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed them each time, and now he was the one left behind. 

“I’m happy for you, Taiga.” If Hokuto couldn’t say those three words, then the least he could do was to say just this. Their slow swaying came to a halt, the blond having froze from hearing his words, but he snapped out of his trance and went on like nothing was wrong.  _ Fuck _ , Taiga was so good at doing that. So good at pretending that everything was okay and that he was always happy, when the truth was, they weren’t okay, and Taiga was far from happy. “Thank you.” A sad smile played on his lips, and Hokuto knew why. He knew that they only wanted each other, but they didn’t have all the time in the world. The world kept on moving, and Hokuto was too slow; they were too slow.

Taiga let go of Hokuto’s hand, removing the other from the younger’s waist as well. Hokuto started to panic, his breathing quickening.  _ Was it over already? _ He didn’t want it to end so soon, but all the breath was knocked out of him when Taiga wrapped both his arms around Hokuto’s neck, locking his fingers together to make sure he wouldn’t let go, fingertips grazing the jet black hair on the nape of Hokuto’s neck. It was wrong. Doing this, at Taiga’s wedding for god’s sake, Hokuto knew he should have stopped it there when he still could, but he just couldn’t. Hokuto hesitated, he hesitated in everything he did, but he finally lifted his arms from his side to wrap around Taiga’s waist, pulling the older close to his chest. Taiga let out a shudder of breath that he didn’t even realise he had been holding in. He rested his head and pressed his cheek against Hokuto’s chest. The younger’s heart was beating so fast, so loudly, he was sure that Taiga could hear it pumping through his chest. Intertwined like this, Hokuto realised that all he ever wanted was to hold Taiga so close. And then it dawned on him, Hokuto would have to let go of Taiga by the end of this dance. He would never be able to hold him again, never touch him again. A single, hot tear slid down his cheek, but he made no effort to wipe it away. He shouldn’t be crying. It was his fault that it all came down to this. He heard a whimper from his arms, and he couldn’t do anything for the older but to hold him tighter as they swayed in small circles, the dance now a pathetic excuse for them to be in each other’s arms for one last time.

Hokuto wanted so badly for them to keep on dreaming, keep on pretending that nothing was wrong even though he knew it was never going to be. If they didn’t face reality, then time would never catch up to them. He wanted for them to keep on playing their roles in this play of theirs, that in the act of pretending, they’d somehow make it real. But it was unfair for him to do so, when Juri had rightfully claimed what belonged to him. Taiga, on the other hand, wanted desperately for them to be real. To wake up knowing that he was officially Hokuto’s, on paper and in heart. What Hokuto wanted was a fairy-tale, and Taiga wanted real life. So when Juri swept in with the promise of a real love, Taiga had to grow up, move on from Hokuto’s childish make-believe world.

_ Now you’re beside me, and look how far we’ve come. So close.  _

Hokuto rarely sang outside of work, usually leaving that to Taiga. But tonight, he didn’t know any better way to tell Taiga how he felt. And so he sang the lyrics in Taiga’s ear, so soft it almost wasn’t there at all, but it was enough. Because Taiga had told him once, as Hokuto was on the couch with a book in hand and Taiga was seated at the piano, singing random songs that came to mind as his lithe fingers ran through the keys, that singing was how you showed someone that you loved them. Hokuto remembered that, and he was sure Taiga did too. He had finally told Taiga that he loved him, in his own way.

As the song reached the last few bars, the instruments began to strain as they slowed down. From the corner of his eye, Hokuto saw Juri approaching them, and reluctantly, he let go of Taiga, unwrapping his arms from around the blond’s waist. “Taiga, we have to go.” Juri softly called out. But Taiga was unrelenting, refusing to let go of Hokuto. Hokuto felt Taiga’s hold around his neck tighten. He was making it so much harder for them, because if he didn’t let go of Hokuto right then, then Hokuto wouldn’t be able to say goodbye. “Taiga,” Juri tried again warningly, and this time Taiga finally let go, immediately lifting his arm to hide his tears, whimpers escaping as his sobs racked his entire body. Juri placed both his hands on Taiga’s shoulders, pulling him away from the ballroom, away from watchful eyes. 

All they wanted was their own happy ending. They were so close. So close, and still so far.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? I hated writing Juri as the villain but I didn't want to come up with an OC :c I was re-watching the movie a few weeks ago and I loved the dance scene in the movie so I thought why not make it Kyomohoku? :) And I'm also trying my hand at writing happier Kyomohoku but it's really hard....
> 
> Feedback+comments really appreciated!╰(*´︶`*)╯Thanks for reading!


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